


My Wayward Son

by anotherday_anotherfic



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Other, don't worry about plot there isn't one, may god have mercy on my soul, the first thing i post in over a year and its this im sorry, this is a my immortal au god help me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:40:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28301010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anotherday_anotherfic/pseuds/anotherday_anotherfic
Summary: you know what my immortal is. you don't need a summary
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Charlie Bradbury & Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 12





	My Wayward Son

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to my lore research friends on the Superior Natural discord for helping spawn this. I absolutely took that nomination as a challenge (if you don't know us, check out the project on tumblr https://superiornatural-rewrite.tumblr.com/ ) 
> 
> to everyone subbed to this acct for yoi: I'm sorry. look how far I've fallen. SBWCI will get an update at some point I promise 
> 
> kept the sex scene so beware of that for like 3 sec. I will not look over this twice bc any mistakes I personally made add to the experience

**Chapter 1.**

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) amara, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Becky ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

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Hi my name is Dean Dark’ness Dementia Raven Winchester and I have a black impala (that’s how I got my name) with white accents and wardings that protects it and I have green eyes like moldy pie crust and a lot of people tell me I look like an FBI agent (AN: if u don’t know what that is get da hell out of here!). I’m related to Sam Winchester but I wish I wasn’t because he’s a major fucking nerd. I’m a human but I’m straight and white. I have freckled skin. I’m also a hunter, and I dropped out of high school (I’m the same age as Jensen Ackles, whoever da hell that is). I was born in the 70s (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly flannel. I love gas stations and I buy all my porn from there. Today I was wearing a gray undershirt with matching green flannel around it and dirty jeans, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was a painted whore, wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside a motel. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of pigeons stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

“Hey Dean!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. My Brother!

“What’s up Sammy?” I asked.

“Blah blah blahblah.” he said bitchily.

But then, I heard my phone call me and I had to go away.

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AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!

**Chapter 2.**

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!

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The next day I woke up on a motel bed. It was snowing and raining again. I lifted the crusty blankets and drank some blood from a whiskey I had. For some reason the bed was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my bed and took of my giant Led Zeppelin t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on jeans, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and didn’t brush my hair.

My friend, Charlie (AN: lesbian human dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length red hair with red streaks and opened her hazel eyes. She put on her Doctor Who t-shirt with a black jeans, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots that you can absolutely totally hunt in. We put on our LARP gear.

“OMFG, I saw you talking to Castiel yesterday!” she said excitedly.

“Yeah? So?” I said, blushing.

“Do you like Cas?” she asked as we went out of the motel room to the continental breakfast.

“No I so fucking don’t!” I shouted.

“Yeah right!” she exclaimed. Just then, Castiel walked up to me.

“Hi.” he said.

“Hi.” I replied flirtily.

“Guess what.” he said.

“What?” I asked.

“Well, your brother was caught turning tricks on Santa Monica Boulevard.” he told me.

“Oh. My. Fucking. God!” I screamed..

“Well…. do you want to bail him out with me?” he asked.

I gasped.

**Chapter 3.**

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN AMARA! oh yeah, BTW I don’t own dis or da lyrics 4 AC/DC.

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After bailing out Sammy (lots of duct tape was involved, don’t ask) we went to watch an ACDC concert that Sam said had demons. I put on my work boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a henley with all this flannel stuff on the back and front. I put on matching underwear. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. To protect our motel, I slit a line across my palm even though there’s a goddamn artery there. I drew the sigil while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some ACDC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I ate something fried. I didn’t put on foundation because my masculinity can’t take that yet. Sam drank some demon blood.

I went outside. Castiel was waiting there in front of the car. He was wearing a white dress shirt, limp tie, black slacks, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). He looked like an edgy accountant.

“Hi Cas!” I said in my manly-man voice.

“Hello Dean.” he said back. He touched my sholder and we flew to the concert. On the way I knew I wouldn’t poop for a week. When we got there we went to the backstage and pretended to be crew.

“I’ve got big balls  
I’ve got big balls  
They’re such big balls  
And they’re dirty big balls.” sang Bon Scott (I don’t own da lyrics 2 dat song, except I kinda do, cuz I’m God).

“Hey what if Lucifer--or an approximation--sang this.” I said to Cas, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Castiel looked sad.

“What’s wrong?” I asked as we poked around. Then I caught on.

“Oh shit, we forgot about Adam!” I said.

“Really?” asked Cas sensitively.

“Really.” I said. “But the writers don’t think it’s important until long after it’s relevant so whatever.” I said disgustedly, thinking of his ugly blonde face.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Cas. During the concert we killed some guy live on stage, we drank some beer and escaped. We got new criminal charges added to our records. Cas and I crawled back to the motel, but we didn’t stay, instead he took us to……………………… the Bunker!

**Chapter 4.**

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony’s name is ENOBY nut mary su OK! DESTIEL IS SOO IN CANON SOMETIMES dat they are acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

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“CAS!” I shouted. “What the fuck do you think you are doing?”

Castiel didn’t answer but he opened the Bunker door. I walked in too, curiously.

“What the fucking hell?” I asked angrily.

“Dean?” he asked.

“What?” I snapped.

Cas leaned in extra-close and I looked into his icy blue orbs which revealed so much depressing sorrow and nerdiness and then suddenly I didn’t feel mad anymore.

And then…………… suddenly just as I Cas kissed me passionately. Castiel climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a table. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my plaid. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

“Oh! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

It was…………………………………………………….Crowley!

**Author's Note:**

> cliffhanger for ya. I'll keep going if there's interest but I have no doubt someone did this already. this was so harrowing to write lmao....... thanks for looking at this, love you


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